The free pain

 

'Did you ever think that I'd be lonely?
Did you ever think that I needed love?
Did you ever think?'

Even when I'm with you I still feel lonely. Considering this,I would still trade any moment for just another one with you. I don't usually go with the flow,but this time I have no choice. You left me alone,so I had to make myself a way through somehow. I think I reached the point where I do not care anymore who is there for me,it only counts that there is somebody. I still gaze the stars and smoke at 3 A.M. on my balcony. Your memory became pathological to me. It eats me from inside,like an epidemic disease,it burns. It makes me think that nothing and nobody new in my life compares to you. It makes me feel guilty for something that was caused by you. Even though, I would die to see you crawling back to me. I would die to see that you really care,no matter how little,about me. But this is just my wishful thinking. You really just left and never closed that door. I had to lock it up myself,I got the key and I wish I didn't. I wish I would just know how to either lock yourself out forever or how to get you back. But I don't and this is my last shot I'll ever take for you. I cannot care anymore.You left me alone with nothing,so I was free. And I always was this free and most of the times,this feeling kept me alive. Remember me: I'll love you forever,time is nothing. Long live the numb and the restless!